Clarke Of Many People
by Tomb Raider956
Summary: Clarke pulled the lever by herself, not wanting Bellamy to feel guilty. But now its all on her, and it's too much to see her friends happy. All she could see was the faces of the mountain people, burned and scarred. She left. Almost two years later not a word from her. Only a handful of people still looking. But then there's word of a rebellion in the Ice Nation. Then silence.
1. Chapter 1

"Attack! Now!" I yelled as the door finally opened. Roars of the warriors approval were yelled behind me, their weapons waving in the air.

" _ **Chil yo daun!**_ " The grounders behind me silenced as the recognized the voice. My head whipped to the side to see Lexa walking in my direction with her guards around her. Emerson was by her side, walking as if he was her equal. I only froze for a few seconds.

"What is this?" My confusion was unmistakable. Voices were yelling all around us. Then the door to the mountain opened even further without anyone from the outside touching it. More shouts. Then a grounder man and woman covered with a blanket stepped out. Another man followed. My confusion grew as more and more grounders emerged from the mountain. Many were dirty and bruised. They looked so weak, unkempt, and malnourished. My eyes continued to look for my friends before I looked back at Lexa. "They're surrendering?"

"Not quite." Emerson finally spoke. He looked very smug. I glanced at him for a few moments before turning my attention to the young woman beside him. Lexa's face was impassive, not revealing anything.

"What did you do?" My voice was only a broken whisper as dread began to fill my body. Out of the countless scenarios I had thought about, this was not one of them.

"What you would have done... Save my people." Lexa was still void of emotions.

"Where are my people?" My voice gave a slight warning. Not that I could do anything without her killing me. What she said did not sound promising to my people.

"I'm sorry Clarke. They were not part of the deal." I looked at both Emerson and Lexa before looking at the ground trying to make sense of what was happening. Lexa cut Emerson's ties.

"You made the right choice Commander." Emerson's voice was pleased. Victorious. That bastard! The urge to smack the smirk off his face was overwhelming. He walked past the grounders coming out and waited by the door. The smirk never left his face. Lexa's eyes followed him vigilantly. Lincoln walked up from where he was standing.

"What is this?" He was just as confused as I was. Suddenly, it became difficult to breathe as I realized that this was really happening. My god this was actually happening. I felt like I would start hyperventilating due to the panic that had now taken place in me.

"Your Commander has made a deal." With your enemy I silently finished in my head. Lincoln seemed to understand what I said after a moment.

"What about the prisoners from the Ark?" I was still looking at Lexa. Her eyes seemed to be trying to say something but she didn't react. The blood on her face made her seem so different from the young woman who had kissed me in the tent.

"They'll all be killed... but you don't care about that do you?" I said almost accusingly. I didn't expect her to answer so fast.

"I do care Clarke." Her voice was softer than before. It didn't sound like she was talking about my people. She has never regarded my people with such gentleness. I thought about the moment she kissed me in the tent. When I felt something I hadn't felt since I had first met Finn. I liked Lexa. A lot. "But I made this decision with my head, not my heart." Her eyes searched my face for any sign of understanding. "The duty to protect my people comes first."

"Please don't do this!" Though my voice was a whisper, I know she heard me. For a moment, I saw a flicker of emotion in the commander's eyes.

"Please Commander! Let us fight!" Lincoln was pleading as well, no doubt for Octavia.

"No!" Lexa's voice was firm. "The deal is done." The doors to the mountain closed, leaving us outside with no way to get in. The disbelief of the situation morphed into a seed of anger that lodged itself in me.

" _ **Teik oso rowenes laud**_." Immediately, a grounder horn sounded. The entire army started to turn around and walk back into the woods. It was the retreat horn.

"You too," Lexa ordered Lincoln. Lincoln's jaw flexed as he glanced between his commander and the retreating army. "All of our people withdraw. Those were the terms."

"They'll slaughter them! Let me help them!" To the Arkers this would look like defiance, which it was, but it was so much more than simple defiance. This was Lincoln begging. Not once had I heard or seen a grounder beg like this, but Lincoln wasn't just a grounder. He was Octavia's love. That made him one of mine.

"Sis em op." Lincoln began to back up looking almost defeated before a look of determination took over as surrounding grounders closed around him. He punched the first that grabbed him and the fight to take him began. I knew what the outcome would be. Though Lincoln was a good fighter, he was no warrior. Finally, he had been knocked out from behind. They started to drag him away and I just stood there watching, knowing I couldn't do anything to stop them.

"May we meet again." I gaped at Lexa's retreating figure in disbelief as she said my people's goodbye. I was left alone staring at the mountain.

~~In the tunnels~~

Octavia was in a defensive stance when I approached her.

"Octavia. You stayed." My voice was mixed with relief and disbelief. Octavia had turned back to the door as soon as she realized it was me, but at my tone and words she whipped around to face me.

"Screw you!" She was angry. "Of course I stayed! I know where my loyalties lie." I pushed past her trying to ignore the hurt feelings her words gave me.

"We need to get inside." I knew I sounded stupid and probably a bit pathetic, but I needed to get my friends out.

"If that's possible do you think I would still be out here?" Octavia grabbed my arm and yanked my body around. I saw Fox's limp body lying in a cart similar to the one Anya and I had hidden in. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her broken body. Not even O's demanding voice broke my gaze. "Why did Lexa sound the retreat?"

I hesitated before answering. Octavia was going to figure it out eventually. She was already angry at me and was also going to yell at me whether I told her or not.

"She made a deal with the Mount Weather. Freed the grounders. Now we're on our own." I finally broke my gaze as I became determined to get passed the locked door. I slammed my hand against the door.

"Stop!" Octavia cried, her voice now shrill. "They'll know we're here." I turned around panting. "What about Lincoln? There's no way he would have gone along with a plan like this."

"He didn't. They took him." I aimed my gun at the lock.

"What is wrong with you!" Octavia demanded.

"I am getting through that door!"

"And that's your plan! Bellamy's counting on you. Everyone's always counting in you!"

"Well what do you want from me!"

"You trusted Lexa. You let a bomb drop on Ton DC. You let all those people-"

I cut her off, "I am doing the best I can!" My voice cracked.

"Well it's not good enough." Her face reminded me of Lexa while her words and voice reminded me of my mother. I could feel the crack on my heart become bigger at this. A beeping sound came from the door and it opened. Octavia and I immediately had our weapons aimed at the door. It was Bellamy.

"Bellamy!" The relief in his sister's voice was apparent. They hugged each other with a fierce grip. Bellamy looked at me. "I knew it!" Octavia said as she let him go. She went behind him to where Monty and Jasper had revealed themselves. "You two were to scrawny to drill.

I saw a radiation suit behind the two boys. I could easily make out Maya's face. Octavia had looked at her warily with her hand on her sword.

"It's all right. She's with us." Jasper's voice was slightly hoarse.

Bellamy looked at me. "Where's your army?"

"Gone. Just like yours." He looked to the side of me, avoiding my face. Something happened while he was in here. I'll talk to him when we get out of here."Please say you have a plan." I implored.

"Not really. You need to talk to Dante. Maya says he's in quarantine."

"Clarke!" Monty and Jasper both ran to hug me. I closed my eyes for a moment and relished the moment I got some of my family back. When I opened them I saw Maya looking at us.

"Thank you." I mouth to her. She nodded to me. Her suit started beeping frantically. Jasper was at her side checking her oxygen.

"Thirty minutes!" He exclaimed. "That can't be right. We just changed it. Aww shii...Ummm... It's her last tank." I step forward, taking charge.

"Okay. We'll find you another tank." Maya shook her head.

"All the supplies of oxygen are on level 5." She informed us.

"Then we'll take you to level 5." Jasper responded. He was breathing heavily and had a worried look.

"5 isn't safe." She insisted.

"Then we'll take the trash chute again. It'll work."

"To get in maybe." Bellamy's voice had its slightly resolved tone. "But Maya is right. Every soldier in the mountain is there. We'll never make it out."

"We can do this." Jasper's whispered. I looked at Bellamy, not really believing Jasper. "We'll split up."

"Okay," Octavia started. "You guys go for Dante. We'll help Maya." She took her sword out and walked past us determinedly. We briefly glanced around at each other before following.

~~small time skip~~

We walked into a white room. Well, all the rooms were white. Dante was looking at us with a blank face.

"Hello Clarke," he said with disdain clearly in his voice.

"Sir, we need your help again." Dante's eyes never left me as Bellamy spoke.

"It's okay," Monty said quickly. "I took out the camera from the junction box in the hall. We can talk freely."

"No one is watching anyway. Thanks to you, they're all on level 5." There was also a hint of bitterness in his tone.

"You're not," I rebutted.

"No. I'm not."

"Please," Bellamy begged, "we don't have much time. We need a way to get our people out without killing everyone." Dante didn't react, reminding me of Lexa. The only difference between the two faces was that his eyes showed defiance. It was then that it hit me.

Cage never would have thought about making peace with the grounders. He chose to drop a missile on a village to try and take out the enemy. It's not something that is easily forgettable or forgivable. Dante told him to make the offer knowing that Lexa would choose saving her own people.

"He's not going to help us." I stated. Coming to the conclusion was so easy. He wouldn't help us with his people on the line.

"You cut the power, risking the lives of everyone in this mountain. My people! Even the ones who helped you!"

I stepped forward, getting into his face. "We knew they'd be safe on level 5. We made sure not to destroy the turbine to make sure you guys could repair them. We're the good guys here! Not you!"

"Tell me. If we had released your people and theirs. What would happen to mine?" I turned. I didn't have an answer. The grounders would probably still attack for blood and mine would probably do the same in fear of being taken.

"Can you get us into the command center?" I asked Monty. "We need to see what's happening."

"No problem," he replied.

"Let's go," Bellamy stated. He grabbed Dante and pushed him towards the door. "You're gonna help us whether you like it or not."

~~Time Skip~~

I saw Raven on the operating table and my mother and friends hung around the room. I looked at the screens that showed level 5.

"Emerson." I breathed out. I grabbed the radio from Bellamy. I took a breath before speaking. "Carl Emerson. Mount Weather Security Detail come in."

"Who is this?"

"You know who this is. Get this radio to the President." We saw him move. He pulled Cage out of the earshot of the other mountain people.

"This is President Wallace."

"I have your father. If you don't let my people go... I'll kill him." It took a moment for him to register what I said.

"How do I know you have him?"

I shoved the walkie in Date's face. He said, "Stay the course Cage."

"You won't do it," Cage responded as he realized it was really his father.

"You don't know me very well." There was a long pause as Cage tried to figure out if I was bluffing. I thought about Raven on the table being drilled into. "This ends now! Release my people."

"I can't do that," he said regretfully. There was a very long pause as no one spoke.

"It would mean the end of our people Clarke." Dante said. I frustratingly aimed my gun at him. I ignored Bellamy's protests.

"Don't make me do this." I practically pleaded Cage. He seemed to consider it for a few moments.

"Dad," he started. "I'll take care of our people." Bell and Monty looked at me. I couldn't place the look on their faces.

"None of us have a choice here Clarke." Dante's voice filled my ears.

"I didn't want this," I whispered and focused my arm. I ignored his voice and pulled the trigger. His choked cries died down, but I knew I would never forget them. I looked back at my friends and finally I could place the look on their faces. Disbelief. Horror. It was the same look I received from my people after I killed Finn.

"Listen to me carefully. I will not stop until my people are free. If you don't let them go... I will irradiate level 5." I tried not to think about what I had just said as Cage hunched over. I continued to speak as he stood up straight. Emerson walked over to him and they spoke. We followed Cage as they walked away from each other.

"Can you do it Monty? Can you irradiate the level?"

"I can do it." he answered both determinedly and a little hesitant.

"Clarke we need to talk about this!" Bellamy semi-yelled "There are kids in there!"

"I know!" As if I could forget.

"People who helped us!"

"Then please give me a better idea." Bellamy looked away. We looked back at the screens to see that Cage had them take Raven off the table. Horror and fear filled me as I saw my mother being placed on it.

Octavia fighting filled the screen. Then guards bringing Jasper into the room they were drilling in. We continued to watch as Maya and Octavia ran into level 5. They were surrounded by guards.

Monty stopped what he was doing. "Why did you stop!" I demanded.

"Because I did it. All we have to do is pull this," pointing to the lever in front of me, "and the vents will open and scrubbers will reverse. Pulling in outside air." I hesitated.

Bellamy yelled. "He's going to blow the door!" Emerson was outside. Bellamy aimed his gun at the door and I grabbed the lever while looking at the screen.

"My sister my responsibility." I heard Bellamy murmur.

"I have to save them." I whispered. I saw Bellamy's hand go for the lever. No! This is my idea. My fault they're here. I had more death on me than him. He didn't need to carry this. These were my people. This was my responsibility. I pulled it.


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving Bellamy standing there hurt. Leaving my family hurt. My home. My thoughts scrambled for a moment before rethinking the statement. The Ark has not been my home for a long time. My family was home, as cliche as that sounds, and they currently resided in part of the Ark that fell.

My mom would probably send a search party out for me when she realizes I'm gone. I had gone to the dropship after walking away from the Ark. Three days have passed since I left and now I realize that leaving with little to no supplies was a big mistake. I had little knowledge of this land. Bellamy's group had always done the hunting and when the Ark came down we still had some rations. A thought came to me.

Mount Weather. It had food, weapons, information. Oh God the reapers! I hastily grabbed my stuff and started to make my way to the mountain. We left the reapers to die!

The sun had just started to show. I estimated around 6 AM. It took maybe about five hours of walking and running to get there. The front door wouldn't open so I went to the tunnels. I readied my gun and started forward. It was empty so far. I heard a thunk nearby and turned. Another thunk had me move even more cautiously. When I reached the tunnel leading to the doors I hid behind the corner. I estimated a dozen reapers were hitting the surrounding walls, as if waiting for permission to enter. I continued to observe them for a few minutes. They were waiting for the mountain men to come out. I saw some vials on the floor next to a bag.

That must have been the red that Lincoln told us about. I saw a few bodies on the floor. I stared at the scene before me. They must have a supply of the drug. They wouldn't be alive otherwise. I looked around for something to fight with. My gun would draw more to my location. A small flash of light near the reapers gained my attention. Thank whatever deity was out watching me. It's frequency device. Damn it! It was also between two reapers.

I took a breath before going in. I hit one in the head, knocking it to the ground, but not unconscious. I easily kicked it's head against the wall and it's body went limp. Another came for me and I shot it in the leg. Another shot.

Damn my need for the gun. The device should keep them away. I then grabbed a sword that fell from one's hand. I easily slashed its body, not deep enough to kill it, but it gave me enough time to grab the device and turn it on.

The response was instantaneous. Some flinching back and others falling on their knees. I rushed into the mountain and turned it off. The reapers didn't dare enter. I slowly made my way to where I was told where the reapers were made. There was nothing. Something was wrong with this. The room besides this was full of labeled containers and vials, but no red. This must be where they held medicine besides the infirmary.

I forced myself to level five. Before I walked into the room a foul smell filled my nose. The bodies remained on the floor. I felt a ball form in the back my throat as I took in the sight in front of me again. I flashed back to when I first awoke in the mountain, how horrified they seemed when they realized I had not been quarantined, but they were welcoming after I had come back. Then I had left the remaining hundred here while I ran with Anya. I let out a cry of anguish and collapsed.

Panic started to settle in me as I looked around and saw all the decaying bodies. The putrid smell that had only needed a few days to gather. The burned flesh that was being picked at by the insects that entered.

I rose and tried to leave but I stumbled over a body. I stared at the body. It was a little boy. I crawled to his body and cradled him, like Jasper had done to Maya's. These people didn't deserve to die. Only their leaders. I gently laid down the body and took off to look for equipment.

I found a shovel. Immediately I went out to find a door that led outside. I assumed it was a side door since it wasn't the front. Or maybe it was the back. I shook my head. It took me two hours to make a hole deep enough and large enough to fit a body. I went back into the mountain and gently carried the little boys corpse and laid it into the hole. I looked at him for a moment, then proceeded to cover his body.

I repeated the process with as many corpses as I could until I could no longer see. Making the other graves had gone faster than the first. When the sun was down I continued to finish the grave I had already started working on. So far I had buried thirty six, all children including teenagers. Maya was one of them. The thirty seventh was pregnant woman. She looked like she had just started her third trimester. As I buried her body I felt the tears I had been holding back all day finally fall. I let out howls and pounded on the ground until my hands were bloody. I fell asleep next to the shovel and between the small mounds of dirt that signified the graves.

~~Next Morning~~

I woke to nearby whispers. I was in a tent. How did I get here? Something soft brushed against my leg. I didn't bother looking as I was surrounded by pelts. The whispers seemed to grow in volume. The whispers were insults and questions. Ghosts of the mountain and dropship battle circled around me.

I shut my eyes hoping that this was a dream. When I opened them they were gone. I was still inside a tent. I don;t have a tent. If I was in a tent then some grounders found me. There was no longer an alliance so they could do anything they wanted to me. Torture. Kill. I froze as I felt something move against my legs again. It most definitely was not the pelts.

I slowly sat up which caused me to hiss. My entire body ached. I looked down at my legs to see dark brown hair covering the face of a grounder. How many grounders have dark hair. Like all of them! The grounder stirred and my heart beat frantically as she started to pick up their head. Familiar brown eyes met mine and I let out a small cry.

Octavia. I tried to contain my emotions as she looked at me. She didn't hold any anger in her eyes. Now it was only exhaustion.

"Hey." Her voice was soft. Not hoarse from yelling, or loud from excitement. Just tired. I examined her. She was still in grounder wear. Her hair, as I noticed before, was not in the braids I had so often seen her in when she was a _seken_.

"Hi." Unlike hers, my voice was hoarse from the crying and yelling I had done. I looked at my wrists. They were bandaged. Octavia had very little knowledge of healing. "Lincoln?"

" _Hir Klark_." He walked into the tent standing behind Octavia. "What are you doing here?" I swallowed.

"Burying."

"The _mounon_ do not deserve being buried or burned." Octavia's voice was sharp. I snapped back at her.

"They don't deserve it!" I yelled. My anger came back and left me just as quick when I saw Octavia's startled look. "The citizens do. They didn't know what was going on! They didn't know we were attacking or that their leaders were drilling into us until we attacked! I killed all of them! I killed them all to save about fifty of our people!"

Octavia looked down. "They wouldn't have kept their deal with Trikru. They would have attacked." Was she trying to give my actions an excuse?

"The guards would attack." I sighed. I tried moving but Lincoln stopped me.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the mountain. I buried thirty seven yesterday. I want to bury the rest. You can take the guards and doctors if you want and do whatever with the bodies, but you leave the rest alone. The reapers are also waiting for the mountain men to give them red as well. I want to help rehabilitate them but I don't know how to use the equipment here. It's different. I did CPR on you but it didn't work the second time your heart stopped. We brought you back with one of the shock batons.

Lincoln shuddered.

"We'll help you with the citizens. I'm leaving the guards bodies to hang out front though. Let the animals pick at their bodies." I nodded in acknowledgement and stood. As we walked out I noticed that we were not that far from the grave sites. I grabbed the shovel that laid abandoned on the floor and started to dig again. Lincoln and Octavia had now grabbed shovels from the mountain and proceeded to do the same.

I counted every corpse we buried. By the time we had gotten to 190 the sun was almost gone. I ignored the looks my friends exchanged as I continued. This body was of a man. Blonde and flawless features. Take away the burned skin and he had been handsome.

I heard a thump. A small yelp followed. I whipped around with my gun aimed at the mountain door.

"Don't shoot!" A feminine voice pleaded. A head poked out. She looked about my age. Pale white skin, hazel eyes, and dark brown hair. "Please don't shoot." She looked tired.

"You're one of the mountain?" I asked as I lowered the gun. She nodded. She hesitantly took a step forward.

"Can... Can I say goodbye?" She motioned to the mans body I was about to cover. I nodded very slowly. I didn't kill them all. I didn't kill them all. The thought repeated itself. The girl sobbed as she took in his features.

"I'm sorry." I said. My voice was low. She shook her head.

"Don't be. You did it for your people. My family was one of the few who helped them." I sucked in a sharp breath. That didn't reassure or console me. "We didn't show out distaste for the treatments but behind our doors we hated them. When they realized what the marrow could do they tested on me and another first, since we were young and fertile. They were planning on a breeding program so we can repopulate the ground. They thought my family was loyal. I almost refused, but my father accepted saying I could probably live up here if it worked."

"Was he your father?" I motioned to the body. She nodded again. "I didn't want to do it. They were innocent." I motioned to all the buried bodies.

"Nobody was innocent." I remember Maya saying that. "Are your people alright?" I nodded this time. "Good."

She took the shovel from me and began to bury her father. The guilt I felt from pulling the lever seemed to ease much more from what she had told me. She was one of the mountain and she accepted what I had to do. She understood even though it had killed everyone she knew. When she finished she walked back into the mountain.

I glanced to the tent where my companions were. They were talking in the front not even looking at me. I don't even think they saw the mountain girl. I looked one last time before I followed the girl inside.

"Katlyn Wilson."

"Clarke Griffin."

We didn't say anything else. We simply went to the room where all the food was kept. Picking something she exited the room. I looked around at what had surrounded me. This could help the Ark survive winter.

I simply grabbed a few packages of food and walked out. She heated it up in the dining hall where many bodies still laid. I did the same, following her instructions. Katlyn had gone to a nearby room. It look different from the room the remaining 100 had slept in. It had lots of space, doorways leading to other rooms, beds, bathrooms, small living room. This must be what homes had been like before the war.

We ate in silence. She slept on a bed and I watched her. Watched her movements. She didn't seem to mind that she was the last of her kind. She seemed to take what happened with ease. I didn't sleep that much. I kept watch of the room and Katlyn like a guard dog. Nothing was going to happen to her if I could help it.

I assumed it was morning when she started to move. Katlyn waved her arm around as if she was looking for something. She groaned before sitting up.

"Hey." Her voice groggily. "Did you sleep?" I shook my head. She was about to say something before she froze. She held her stomach, covered her mouth, and dashed away. She leaned over a trash bin at the entrance of the room and threw up. I went to her and held her hair back and she continued to puke until she was dry-heaving

Katlyn was shaking like a leaf. I carried her bridal style back to bed. I sat down and leaned against the wall. Katlyn curled against my body and cried. I whispered reassurances and gave her soft squeezes trying to comfort her. My dad had talked about things I liked to get my mind off whatever was making me upset, but I knew nothing about this girl.

She laid on me before looking up at me.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Not your fault." She leaned her head on my shoulder for a few more minutes. "Let's brush your teeth and get you something to eat. You're going to stay in here today. I'll come and bring you something to eat throughout the day."

Katlyn nodded and slowly got off me. As she brushed I prepared her breakfast. I returned as she was changing so I left the food and went back outside to dig.


	3. Chapter 3

It took Lincoln, Octavia, and I all day to finish burying the rest of the bodies. I went back into the mountain to give Katlyn lunch around mid-day. I felt Octavia's eyes on me as I walked in without finishing a grave. When we finished the graves we all sat around a fire that Lincoln had made.

"Why are you here?" I finally asked. The thought had been plaguing my mind, along with the mountain men. "Why did you help me?"

Lincoln gave me a look of disbelief and Octavia snickered.

"Whether you like it or not Clarke we do care about you." Lincoln spoke first.

"Just because I'm angry with you doesn't mean I can look out for you. Too many of our friends have died and I don't want anyone else to die. As much as I hate to admit it, Lincoln pointed out that my family is alive because of you. All the people I care about are safe. And I know you hate yourself for what you did in the mountain, but that doesn't change the fact that our family is safe." Octavia stressed our family. The remaining hundred.

"They wouldn't have kept their word with the Trikru." I started slowly. Both listened. "I know that. Even if they had, I would assume that not all grounders would agree with Lexa's choice." I paused. Not Lexa. The Commander. Not Lexa, Heda. Lexa didn't make the decision at the mountain. "Like Lincoln told us before, there was resistance when the Commander told her people not to attack us."

"And we were newcomers. Fresh blood." Octavia continued my thoughts. "The mountain has been here the entire time and the enemies. There probably would have been an uprising if they lived."

I realized something as Octavia spoke. "Their death was inevitable. I mean all death is inevitable. It's just the way they died that was the different. Their death was quick when I pulled the lever. If I had let them live and come to the surface..."

"My people would have made their deaths long and painful." Lincoln finished my sentence. The silence was irritating. My entire experience on the ground it's been chaotic and now there was only silence."Clarke we need to show you something." Lincoln grabbed a nearby bag. "This is another reason why we came looking for you."

Lincoln handed me the satchel. It was heavier than I expected. I looked at my two friends before opening it. My heart almost stopped as I saw the head. Cage Wallace's specifically. I dropped both items.

Cage ran when he realized I had pulled the lever. I let out a laugh. He thought I was bluffing. Either that or he hoped he could save his people before we figured out how to irradiate level 5. I started laughing harder at the thought. I had counted 381 dead mountain men, and three alive. The number dropped to two now, Emerson and Katlyn.

When my laughing died down I looked back to see a worried looking couple. I probably looked insane. "Bastard deserved it. Him out of all of them." Another small chuckle escaped me. At least the one who was behind hurting my people was gone. "One more to kill."

"I thought they were all dead! Clarke you know we have to kill him!" Octavia seemed to look excited at the prospect of killing a mountain man. I suddenly became more aware of the girl inside. Would Octavia kill someone who was not a soldier or follower of the mountain? The thought was disturbing. I knew Octavia wouldn't if she had the chance not to, but it still plagued my mind.

"Emerson ran after I pulled the lever. We'd have to look for him." An idea came to me. It had nothing to do with the mountain. "Stay here!" A way to keep peace between the two people who were living in the same territory. I ran inside to the former presidents office for something to write on and with.

I wrote a letter to my mother explaining why I wanted her to go back to Ton DC. I told her I was well and not to look for me. I would check up on her soon. I then wrote one to the Commander saying that she should listen to what my mother was going to say. I knew my mother was going to do as I said because I asked. I knew in the past she would question me, but now she knows I will do whatever it takes to help, especially if it was to help my people. If she didn't do it, Lincoln would tell Bellamy about the letter and Bellamy would do it.

I also asked the Commander to pardon Octavia and Lincoln because they left her and were bringing back the head of the enemy's leader. They would be seen as _natronas_. They would probably be imprisoned before seeing the Commander. I could only hope that things could go smoothly. I signed both and folded them neatly. I ran back outside to see them eating. I hand one to Octavia.

"I need you to take that to the Commander along with the head." I said quickly as I moved onto Lincoln. "I need you to take that to my mother."

"Why can't you take them?" O questioned. I paused for a moment.

"Grounders would think I am there for revenge. Not ready to see Arkers." I muttered. I also didn't want to see Lexa, but they didn't need to know that. They shrugged and I continued. "I need you to do this and please don't come back. I know both sides enough to know that they will keep eyes on you guys afterwards." That was a reasonable explanation not to come. I hope they actually listened to me. They glanced at each other before nodding.

"I'll get a radio from here and carry it wherever I go. Get one from Raven and you can talk to me on that." They nodded and started to pack. When they finished I gave them both a bear hug.

"May we meet again." Octavia's voice was shaking. I saw her eyes water a bit. I gave her an even tighter hug.

"May we meet again." My voice cracked. "Tell everyone I miss them." She nodded before turning and running after Lincoln. I watched their retreating figures.

When they were out of eyesight I gazed at the graves we had finished. I thought about how they only wanted to live up here like we did. I bet they imagined what earth was like. Dante's paintings came to mind. I walked back inside thinking about what they could have had on the surface.

Katlyn was watching something on the television. I smiled at how normal this was. She saw me and smiled back. I approached her.

"Hey!" Her enthusiasm to my presence was greatly noted. Then it fell. "Are you done?" I nodded my head. "Your friends?" I sat down next to her and she leaned into me.

"Left to give messages." She didn't ask what they said. I wonder what she was thinking about. "What did you do?" Her smile was back and she began to babble.

She grabbed my hand and led me to the dining hall to make dinner. She continued to talk as she made our food.

The next three to four days consisted of us eating and getting to know each other. Katlyn was 16 years old. I was surprised since she looks my age. Her favorite color was yellow because it was a bright and happy color. She loved reading the books they had here, which was a lot. She had three older brothers and one little sister. Her favorite TV show was a little over 150 years old. I laughed when she told me it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She loved supernatural movies, TV shows, and books. Her favorite food from the variety the mountain had was pasta. How they were able to make it I do not know. Her favorite place to be was her room on her bed simply because she loved relaxing. She couldn't stand peaches or cranberries for some reason.

She told me of things that had happened in her childhood along with what her education was like. When I told her about me she took it all with interest. I told her about my family and friends on the Ark before I was imprisoned. I told her about my mother turning in my father and me thinking it was my best friend. How my father died and my imprisonment. I told her about landing and how we were all relieved and excited to be alive and on the ground. Then when we started fighting with the reapers and grounders, mountain men kidnapping us, me and Anya escaping, Finn's massacre, his death, the alliance's shaky start, and everything leading up to my decision in the mountain.

Katlyn started crying at some parts and angry at others. Her mood had changed so many time while I told her of myself. She knew practically everything about me and I her.

Two more days passed as she made me watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I had a radio with me the entire time but received no word from either of my friends. My favorite characters were Cordelia and Anya in the first few seasons because they were very blunt to other people. I absolutely hated Angel throughout the show. Breaking Buffy's heart every time he returns. Mr. Brooding was so annoying. As we saw season four Tara was added to my favorite characters. She was too kind to be in Sunnydale. Makes me think about people who could be like that on the ground. There were so many people here and the only ones who are that innocent and kind were children. But grounder kids start training at a young age to be warriors, so even they are not as innocent.

Three more days passed and still no word from Octavia and Lincoln. We had finished Buffy and I had cried at the deaths of Joyce, Buffy, and Tara. When Buffy had been resurrected I was so happy, but the way she came back upset me a lot. Tara hadn't come back and that made me cry again.

Speaking of crying, Katlyn seemed to have mood swings that were out of this world. That and she was constantly sick throughout the days. Other symptoms showed throughout the days but these two stuck out. They were both symptoms of pregnancy.

Oh god! If she is pregnant I killed the father! Suddenly I had tears in my eyes. I brought my knees up to my face and wrapped my arms around them. I had taken a father away from a baby. I had taken a father away from his family.

I thought about how my father was taken away from me. I had hated Wells the moment my father was arrested. Why didn't Katlyn hate me! I tried to calm myself. She would tell me if she was pregnant. Even if she didn't, it was none of my business. That was the moment all the death I had caused hit me. I killed so many, The 300 grounders, Finn, the grounder who kidnapped me, the 382 mountain men, the grounders at Ton DC.

"Clarke. Hello? Anybody there? Heeeellllllooooo?" I was interrupted from my internal panic. I quickly wiped my tears and grabbed the radio.

"Hey O. Did the Commander see you?"

"Hey Clarke. How was your time without us? Good. What about you O? Great! Thanks for asking." I rolled my eyes.

"Rolling my eyes O. But seriously, did she?"

"She saw me. After I got the shit beaten out of me. She agreed to meet with Abby. She also wants to see you."

I frowned. "Please tell me you told her no."

"I told her you were no longer with the Skaikru and I didn't know where you went after you gave us the letters. She continued to insist that you come with you mother. She said something else too..." Octavia's stopped for a minute or two. "She read the letter first and when I showed her the head she dragged me outside and told everybody that I along with Lincoln was pardoned. She knew the head was Cage's. She told them that the mountain was gone and showed the head."

"I know. I asked her if she could pardon you guys."

"Why?" Octavia sounded genuinely confused at what I said. "I was horrible to you after the missile. Why help me?"

"Because I love you. You're family and I protect my family. No matter the cost."

" _Monchof_ ."

"Tell Lincoln I say hi." Katlyn walked in as it went silent. I put it down and sighed. She was safe. I knew Lincoln would have no harm come to him but sending Octavia had worried me throughout the past week.

"Clarke." I looked to my friend."I need to tell you something." I gestured to the couch cushions since I was currently sitting on a table. She sat looking around the room nervously. "Ummm. I don't know how to say this so I'll just say it. I'm four months pregnant with twins." I looked at her. "Please say something."

"I'm glad you trusted me." She looked confused. "I'm glad you stayed with me even though I had killed your people. I'm glad you let me take care of you and told me about yourself. And I am more than thrilled about you telling me this."

"I do trust you Clarke. I know we've only known each other for a short time, but I know you enough to know that you wouldn't hurt me. When you walked into the dining hall with a glass shard to Maya's throat I knew you were looking for your friends. The confusion on your face showed that you were shocked to see so many people in a place like this. It was as if you couldn't believe it. When you constantly bugged your friends about something being wrong and leaving I was nearby. I saw how you cared for them. I knew you were a good person. I was quite disappointed when you left.

Then my people died and you got yours back. I was angry the first two days and on the third you came back. I saw you holding the boy. I saw you making the graves and I realized that you didn't make the decision lightly. You obviously suffered from what you did to them but you cared enough to come back and bury them. Then you were burying my father and I wanted to say goodbye. You know what happened after that."

I was silent. She did hate me for a while. The thought of the girl in front of me hating me hurt. I cared deeply for her and knowing that I had caused her so much pain hurt. Of course I should have known that she would hurt before she understood my decision.

"I'm sorry for killing them. The decision will follow me for the rest of my life, but I don't regret doing it."

"I don't expect you to. It means a lot that you're sorry though." More silence. "So what are we going to do?" I thought for a moment.

"We are going to the surface and find the rest of my people. When we find them we will settle down and raise the twins."


	4. Chapter 4

Unfortunately I forgot one important thing. The Reapers were still in the tunnels. When I realized that they were still there I waited most of the day to tell Katlyn. I don't know why I didn't tell her right away. Maybe it's because one of them could easily hurt her. Who am I kidding, one of them could hurt me easily. But it's been about two weeks since the mountain fell. They should be weak or dead.

When I mentioned the reapers in the tunnels she decided to stay and help me rehabilitate the ones that were still alive. I left her in the medical while I tried to get the reapers inside the mountain. This proved harder than I thought it would be.

I tried knocking them out but that did little to help me. All it did was get me hit in the head and a deep slash in my arm that would definitely scar. I thought about feeding them, but the bodies that had once laid there were torn up and shredded. They were well fed. I observed the surrounding area and saw more empty vials. They were still alive because they had a supply of red. If they ran out their bodies would go through withdrawal eventually making them weak. When they get to weak they would die.

I could get them when they were weak. I took the frequency device and sat at the closed door. It took at least a day and a half before the first one started to go through withdrawal and collapse. I turned on the frequency device and the reapers who were still there backed up. The one on the floor was yelling and cringing at the sound but he couldn't do anything. It was easy to drag him. He wasn't as heavy as he looked. I carried him to medical and placed him on the cot. Katlyn had grabbed some cuffs from the armory and restrained both arms and legs to the bed.

The body seized and then went limp. I checked for a pulse. It was weak but present. I checked his neck for injection marks. There was at least a dozen. He was taken before we had attacked. I let out a sigh of relief. This one would be easier to help. I gave Katlyn a radio to call me if the reaper started seizing again. It took another day for two, at the same time, to drop and seize. I put the frequency device on and checked the first body. No pulse so I started CPR. It took two minute for her to start breathing again. I started on the other knowing that he had little chance of survival since. I continued for a four minutes but it didn't work. I checked for a pulse one last time. Nothing. I leaned back and turned off the device. The remaining reapers had left the tunnel.

I groaned and carried the woman to medical. The other grounder had his eyes closed when we walked in. I laid the woman beside him and Katlyn restrained her just like the man. I checked for injection marks. I groaned at the number. No need to count to know it was a lot. I would surely need a shock stick or defibrillator to keep this one alive.

Machines for blood transfusions were near every bed. In the corner I saw something similar to the defibrillator on the Ark. I moved it near the woman and started to fiddle with the buttons on it. It took me thirty minutes to figure out how to use it and show Katlyn how to use it. I left them when I saw that they were sufficiently restrained.

The remaining reapers hadn't returned. I took a quick breath and started forward. They would be weak, and if I ran into a horde then could turn on the frequency. Oh god I need to learn how to fight. It took me a minute to find the first body. It was on its back on the floor with vomit bubbling out of his mouth. I quickly turned him onto his side. The vomit dribbled out of his mouth and his body still wouldn't still. I heard footsteps down the hall.

Shit! The body in front of me was too heavy for me to carry. I waited for whatever was there to show. The footsteps were too slow to be the reapers. Whoever was there was very cautious. Damn the ground for making everything look intimidating! I held my breath as a slight shadow appeared around the corner. I held the body in front of me down as the entire person revealed itself.

I sighed in relief as I saw the grounder wear, thinking it was Octavia, but the sound of Trigedasleng from a different voice made me look up. Indra. I tightened my jaw and ignored the surrounding grounders.

There was a little over a three dozen injection marks, but three were very recent. Vomiting and seizures are sign of an overdose. I can't remember how to treat that. My mother does.

"Indra!" I need you to take him to my mother!" Indra looked at the man before shouting out orders. He was picked up and carried outside. "Be careful. Moving the body roughly is dangerous." The warriors listened to my words. "And don't tell my mother that I'm here!" I don't think they heard the last part but I was too worried to think about it right now.

I followed them out and saw two bodies on the floor. I couldn't tell if they were Trikru or reapers so I checked anyways. Trikru. They had a small bump on their head, but nothing too serious. I left them in search of more reapers. I didn't find anymore in the tunnels.

"Why are you here sky girl?" Indra's voice was gruff and harsh.

"I buried the mountain. Helping your people. Making sure the reapers are alive."

"Clarke! The man is breaking out of his restraints!" Katlyn nearly shrieked from the radio.

"I'm on my way! Hang on!"

"Please hurry!" A yell was heard in the background. I dashed to the door that led inside. I could here Indra behind me but I didn't care. Only Katlyn mattered. "Clarke!" She screamed and a crash could be heard nearby. I grabbed the shovel I had left in the hallway and ran into medical.

The man was holding her against the wall with a scalpel against her neck. I whacked him hard across the head that the sound was sickening. He fell and I thought that I'd killed him until I saw his chest rise and fall. As he fell, Katlyn fell on him. The scalpel cut her in the process and I could see no other injuries. Katlyn was crying almost hysterically as she looked at the unconscious grounder.

"H-h-he thought I w-was." She couldn't finish her sentence. I pulled her tightly against me and she put her head into the crook of my neck.

"Shhhhhhh. You're safe now. You guys are safe." She cried against me and I rocked us while murmuring things. I rubbed her back. Katlyn eventually fell asleep. Her neck had a cut going from the top side across, maybe an inch long. If it had gone deeper she could have easily bled out. I bandaged it and put her on a cot far away from the rehabilitating reapers.

"Can you help me get him back onto the bed?" Indra simply moved, picked him up with ease, and asked what bed he to place him in. I pointed it and checked the restraints to see how he had gotten out. The cuffs to the arms were clean. I glanced at his hand to see his thumbs were out of place. His feet were the opposite. His boots and leggings were gone and his feet were covered in blood. It seems he cut off parts of his heals because they were raw and the bloodiest part. I cleaned his wounds and tied him again with the cuffs and ribbon that I had found in the dining hall.

The silence I was working in was broken by the warriors bringing in restrained reapers. I quickly set up restraints and checked them. These ones have been like this for months, maybe over a year or so. I placed a baby monitor that I had found in storage in the room. I had been looking for baby stuff to surprise Katlyn but it seems that won't happen.

I picked up my friend and started to her room. I was followed by the General. I laid us both down on her bed. Katlyn's face found its way to my chest and arms wrapped around me. I chuckled and kissed the crown of her head. They were safe. "Why are you here General?" The look of shock on Indra's face was priceless. Maybe it was because I had used her title and my voice was cold. She gained composure swiftly.

"I was told by Octavia that the reapers still lived. We've been collecting them for the past few days." Past few . There were still so many here.

"I started today."

"Why today?"

"I've been a bit preoccupied."

"With you _niron_." She said as if filling in the blanks. I looked at her. "You lover." She stated casually. I stared at her. How did she come up with that?

"She is not my lover. She is my friend and I care for her."

"You care deeply about her." Indra seemed amused by my reaction and response.

"I'm not talking about this with you. Did the commander and my mother already speak to each other?"

"They have agreed on terms of an alliance. Though I do not understand why you _nomon_ wanted to talk. I wouldn't trust somebody who left us at the enemies door." I smirked at her honesty.

"I asked her to because I want my people to live without fighting. I do not trust your commander's words but I do trust her want to protect her people. She wouldn't make a move unless we made one first. And it most likely wouldn't have been friendly." Indra nodded in approval. "Are you guys staying here?"

"You restrained the _ripas_ we had." I snorted. "There is no need. Will they have a difficult recovery?"

"Yes. What is easy in life? Anyways, I need to ask this. They're families thought they were gone. Dead. Murderers. Will they be accepted back into your society? Will they be trusted like they were before they were taken?" She didn't answer me right away.

"I believe there will be a few who are accepted again. Though the families will be relieved they are alive, not all will help. They will be haunted by their actions. I suspect they will be deemed a _splita_. An outcast."

"How many do you think would be willing to come with my friend and I?" Indra glanced at her.

"She is of the sky?" I nodded. Lying to her wasn't good, but if it keep Katlyn alive it was worth it. "I believe some will stay." A pause. "Do not be mistaken. I still do not trust you or your people."

"There's the general I know."

"I will leave them with you. I do not know much of healing. Despite Heda's wish I will leave them here. Learn to fight _goufa_." With that Indra stood and starts to leave the room.

"Don't tell anyone I was here." She stops at the doorway.

"She searches for you. Since Octavia told her the news."

"I don't want anyone finding me. You can say you saw me with a companion, to both our people but I don't want them finding us." She nodded and left with her warriors.

That was an odd heart to heart chat with her. Never expected her to be like that.

~~4 months later~~

I ducked at the knives Ontari had thrown. I ignored the gash one left on my cheek as she came at me with her sword. It was easier to spar with Ontari now that I actually knew how to fight. We fought for another few minutes before she kicked me in the back, which sent me sprawling into the dirt. I spit some out of my mouth and wiped it off my face.

Ontari held out her hand and I took it. Black blood leaked from her arm and cheek where I managed cut her. Grounders and their stupid fighting techniques.

The past four months had been difficult but we got passed it. There had been 31 reapers left with me at the mountain. Seven had died during rehabilitation. Another had taken his life. Ten had gone back to their villages. The remaining thirteen had stayed with Katlyn and I.

Their recovery went faster than I had expected. From what I learned it takes more than four months to get over an addiction. I mean they struggle sometimes but other than the occasional lingering looks to red things and angry outburst they seemed fine. The fact that all the red was gone from the mountain had helped. They hadn't told me anything about other struggles. Then again they grew up not speaking of their pain. I didn't really expect them to speak to me that much.

They taught me about their culture and customs, how to hunt, fight, set traps, speak their language, even trade. This came in handy when we set up camps. We'd occasionally sleep in villages the former reapers had known and we have been on the move since they were well enough to travel.

We've run into a few Ark people that had landed in other territories. We helped them for a few days to start the journey to Camp Jaha. I let Dahlia, Fabian, and Ian take them back safely. I had them speak to Marcus, Octavia, Lincoln, and Murphy. Murphy had returned from Jaha's search for the City of Light. Jaha disappeared after falling into the body of water they were crossing. There was a storm and we were unable to find a body. Anyways, Murphy also found a girlfriend on the way back.

I still talked with Octavia and Lincoln. The last we spoke they had given me the news of a pregnancy. I had congratulated them and then had a mini heart attack when they asked me to be the godmother. At least by the sky people's culture, Trikru was similar, they just don't use the word godmother. It was just Auntie. In other situations they call their godparents mother and father.

Raven walked in when they were telling me this. She took the radio and demanded to know who I was. She got so frustrated when they kept trying to evade the question that she took the radio back. I only knew she took it back because her finger was the button, allowing me to hear everything. I could imagine the look of horror on my friends faces.

For about two weeks the we have been with the Farm station in Azgeda territory. When I arrived the few adults that were there said that the most of the adults went out to gather plants and hunt meat. I freaked out because I knew Azgeda was a vicious clan from Ontari's lessons. The Farm Station people knew there were people already on the ground because they killed the first people who stepped out of the giant hunk of metal that used to be the Farm Station. There were no killings after that.

When the hunters arrived Ontari and I insisted that they shouldn't go out and allow our group to go hunt for food since we were familiar with the terrain. They ignored us. They were confident in their ability to protect themselves if they came across any grounders. This is mostly due to the giant wolf they had captured and killed. A week had passed before the Azgeda struck again. Of the twelve adults who left only two returned. The day after this occurred they attempted again and the results were the same. There were 13 adults left who were young and healthy enough to go out hunting. There were seven elderly and twenty five children from the ages 4 to 19.

Ethan, from Trishanakru, was fed up with everyone dying that he took Lyla and Helena, from Boudalan, to hunt at night. When we awoke and they were gone we thought they had been taken by Azgeda. Lyla's best friend, Jason, was distraught at the thought of her being dead that I made the decision to go out and look for them. It was not necessary because when I reached a mile outside of camp I saw them struggling with the carcasses.

I scolded them and then helped them drag the bodies back. They were then scolded by the rest of their friends and a very hormonal Katlyn. We skinned the carcasses and cooked some to eat during the day. It helped the Ark people take our advice more seriously.

Nights were the worst for me. It was like everything I had done was coming back to haunt me. I stopped seeing the ghosts of those I killed but occasionally their whispers would fill my head. I already received so little sleep because of Katlyn but my nightmares made it near impossible. My companions helped me see my actions in different light. Villages we went to talked a lot about how the mountain was gone and children were no longer scared of being taken. It was the first time I heard the name Wanheda. As much as their action helped me accept my decisions, it did nothing to sooth my nightmares. A healer I visited in a village, without everybody's knowledge, diagnosed me with something similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I laid down next to Katlyn and stared at the ceiling of the station. Sleep came easily to me.

I jolted awake and scrambled to sit up. I felt my tears fall on my face as I tried to control my breathing. Beside me something moved and my breathing quickened more. It was Katlyn. I hadn't awoken her. Good. I remembered breathing exercises I used to regain my breath after exercising and used them. My heart slowed down. I could feel every beat against my chest. I closed my focused on the slowing rate of my heart. My breathing slowed and soon back to normal. I stepped outside and reveled in the feeling of fresh air.

The cool air felt like heaven against my heated skin. The flames that consumed the dropship along with Ton D.C. filled my dreams again tonight. A snapping sound caused me to turn around. The man was in grounder wear but he wasn't one of mine. He hadn't noticed me. My dagger was in my hand the moment I realized that.

He inched forward quietly and I trailed behind him. He couldn't be stupid enough to kill one of us in here. Then he ducked into Ontari's tent. I watched the tent for ten minutes. Another five minutes passed and the grounder had walked out. My knife against his throat the moment he did.

"Who are you?" He froze.

 _"Ai laik Roan kom Azgeda."_


	5. Chapter 5

Listening to the two traders bicker over a cart was giving me a headache. I had more pressing matters than this. The two had been like this since mid yesterday, continuously coming back and argue in front of me.

"I will give one man a cart to carry their products. It will be the same size as the one you are arguing about so decide amongst yourselves who will get this cart." My guards led them out of the throne room.

"Heda. Have you decided what to do with Azgeda? The rebellion must be taken care of." Titus moved into my vision. "This is the perfect opportunity to take care of Nia. She has her ambassador challenging you more frequently when we gather."

"Azgeda has always been challenging me. Besides, the ambassador said it was a group of bandits. Nothing they can't take care of."

"You know they do not give the full extent of information they have. They will not admit this is a threat. The Queen is to arrogant and prideful. She will not ask for help."

"I will not have my army match over to Azgeda to start another fight. If an army marches over they will think we are attacking rather than giving assistance. I will not give Nia the satisfaction of starting a war. I will not give Azgeda assistance unless they ask for it.

"They will not and you know it." Though the Fleimkepa gave the appearance of calmness, I could easily see the irritation.

"There has been no major battles since the mountain. That is two years of peace. If Azgeda cannot contain the situation then they should request for help."

Titus seemed to want to counter my word but didn't. Two years have passed since the mountain and the Skaikru has thrived in the coalition. They proved their loyalty in the first year of the alliance after the mountain. The younger generation has been the most adaptable and working with my people with ease after a bit of hesitation. The Skaikru counsel was resistant to Abby's decision to listen to Clarke, but now they are more cooperative.

During the first year, our relationship with the Skaikru was still rocky. Winter had been harsh to them due to their stubbornness. Then, Skaikru that had landed in other clan territories arrived in Trikru territory led by riders. They had the marks and brands of different clans. It was troubling since some of the riders had been from enemy clans. I received word from one of the returning Skaikru that they had been sent by Clarke. They were amazed at her abilities that helped her thrive on the ground. Clarke had taught them to hunt, defend themselves, and talk our language. She had taken taken care of them.

When Octavia had come into Ton DC with word of Clarke I had went in search of her when I had time. Though it wasn't as much time as I had wished for I looked. She couldn't have gone far. She didn't know how to fight or hunt. I thought she was defenceless. When the returning Skaikru said that they had been sent by her I could only think about how wrong I was.

Indra had come to me not long after Octavia had, stating that she had seen the Skai Prisa with another. She suspected her niron. Indra's news hurt. Had the moment in the tent meant nothing to her? Did Clarke just used me to get her lover back? Thoughts like this plagued my mind for the past two years. Each thought worse than the previous.

I had left Clarke at the mountain for the good of my people. I had done my duty, but in the process I lost my heart. I was too worried to focus on matters right now. And to not be searching for her in a time like this hurt.

"Azgeda has renewed the bounty on Wanheda. The other clans have followed their example." TItus started to inform me of other things happening in the clans but I didn't listen. A bounty on Clarke's head. I prayed to the spirits that she would be safe.

~~3 years later~~

I slammed my knife on to the handle of my throne. Nia has been overthrown by the bandits. All the ambassadors excluding Azgeda sat in the room. None of them knew who had taken the throne. If they did they didn't say. The clans that were closely allied with Azgeda kept their lips shut. The doors to the room slammed opened and the guards threw a masculine body with a hood over its head into the ground. The man did not struggle.

"King Roan of Azgeda." The guard said. It was reasonable to assume that he had taken the throne. Rumors had spread that he was in this group of bandits. The hood was removed along with the gag.

"You didn't have give me escorts. I know my way up here." He said teasingly. Why was he being like this? He was usually serious when it came to things like his nation. Especially since he was banished. Since he was the Nia's only son that would make him king.

"Roan of Azgeda. You were seen out of Azgeda territory heading to Polis. Azgeda royalty are not allowed to enter Polis without permission of the commander. I did not give permission, but since you are here now. As the king of Azgeda you will swear fealty to me and you will be released to lead your clan."

"I am no longer Azgeda royalty commander. Besides, just because I'm headed toward Polis does not mean I am going to Polis." I narrowed my eyes at this. "But in this case you are correct. The queen has sent me to tell you there has been a change in leadership."

"Another queen!" The ambassador of the Sankru yelled. "Did the bitch keep you as a prisoner to overthrow your mother?" He seemed angered by the thought of another queen in Azgeda. I wanted to agree since it is something someone in Azgeda would do, but as Commander I tried as to stay out of arguments like this. Roan had glared at ambassador the moment the word bitch had left his mouth. He struggled to stand to get to the ambassador.

"I had renounced my throne and have given it to her. You do not disrespect my queen like that. She is kind and deserving of her position." He started for the ambassador before being knocked down from behind. The guards forced him to his knees.

"Then you will be released when the queen comes to Polis and swears fealty to me and the coalition."

"She swears to the coalition. She will not attack a clan. She will continue to trade with other clans. However, she does not trust you and will not swear fealty to you." Murmurs went around the room. I tightened my jaw. The blatant disrespect could not go. "Go to Azgeda lands and maybe you can convince her to swear."

"A trick Heda!" Titus voice sounded from behind me. "A trick to kill you and take control." I raised my hand to stop him.

"This queen is not Nia. I am not going to assume that she is like her. We shall see how the new queen will rule her territory. Word will come here if she is like the former queen. Until then lock up Roan of Azgeda in the dungeons. If she is as kind as he says, she is she will come and get him. Have guards keeping watch of him at all times."

The former prince let the guards pull him in the direction of the door with no fight, however the look in his eye told me he planned something.

"Wanheda sends her regards," was the last thing he said before he knocked out the guard beside him. The second had been kneed in the gut and knocked out while he bent over. Roan ran past the ambassadors. There was nowhere he could go that way. I stood and followed him. The ambassadors followed as well.

The former prince rammed into the guards nearby. He opened one of the doors leading into an empty room. There was nowhere for him to go, but he did not stop running. I started to run after him, now knowing what he was planning to do. But it was too late. He had jumped off the balcony. We all gathered around the small space. His body had hit a cart with silks. It seemed to be leaving Polis. I growled and ordered the guards to stop the cart. With a fall that far, Roan was bound to be injured.

I heard the ambassadors speak of what had just happened. The former prince had jumped off the tower. A tower that many others had fallen to their deaths. Was it in fear of angering his queen? Proof of his loyalty to her? Or maybe it was just to be free? Whatever the reason, his display of courage or lack of caring for his life had them curious of the new queen.

"Azgeda has Wanheda, Heda." The ambassador of the Podakru said. "That is bad. If they hold Wanheda the queen will hold the power of death."

"It would be too late if we went to rescue her." Ambassador of the Delfikru stated. "If they knew you were on a rescue mission for Wanheda they will kill her." The remaining agreed with him.

"We will not attempt a rescue for Wanheda." I said for the finality of it. Kane did not speak during this time. He was going to have to tell the Skaikru that Clarke was held by Azgeda. If she was lucky they would give her a quick death, but since we know nothing of the queen we had no assurances of being informed of her well being or even her death.

I dismissed them and ordered Titus to cancel the rest of the day. I head to my quarters with my head up high, but the moment I closed the door tears welled up in my eyes. Clarke could be tortured. She could be killed. The image of Costia's head being delivered to my bed bombarded my mind. The face then morphed into Clarke's, marred with scars and hair cut so I couldn't have anything to remember her by. I let out a cry and once my tears started to fall I could not stop them.

~~1 year after that~~

"Heda! Azgeda headed to the Skaikru camp." Ryder had spoken in an urgent tone. "Scouts suspect it is the queen."

I readied my horse and thought about what I had heard for the past year. Roan of Azgeda had been reported seen in Azgeda playing with children in a village near the border. A woman at his side, with them three others. The five were always spotted together.

The clans started losing people that were being seen in Azgeda. Men and women with children were often the defected, but sometimes it was entire villages. Word of Azgeda's growing army had hit the clans as well. The army had never been bigger, even when Nia had taken babies from their cradles.

Not only were their armies growing but their trade had also grown with surpluses of food. During Nia's rule they did not have much to offer the coalition, at least they didn't often trade. But they have become one of the wealthiest clans. They integrated themselves deeply into the coalition.

The clan leaders had traveled to meet the queen and came back not speaking a word of her identity. Only of her accomplishments and person. She had red hair and scars on her face that means she is Azgeda . It was rumored she had more kill marks than any other leader. The leaders of other clans had spoken of her talks of peace in the clan. They spoke of how she was caring she was, they also spoke of how she was a strict leader when necessary. The people loved her and she cared for each one of them, no matter how weak, strong, or mutated they were. They also mentioned the alliances they had made even though the coalition was in place.

"Who is in the group?" My voice sharp.

"Roan, the four women, a goufa, and fifteen riders. We do not know of their identities. They set camp in a cave near the mountain." I stiffened. Even though the fall had happened six years ago I still did not like to speak of it. All it reminded me of was my betrayal to Clarke. The land remained untouched by my people and Skaikru's. The ghosts of the dead haunted the land. It was Wanheda's land.

Rumors spread that she was seen burying the mountain instead of burning them so they could be trapped forever as punishment for their wrongdoings. Bodies were strung up against the mountain and heads were set on pikes to warn any person not to come near.

"Let us ride!" It didn't take us long to reach the camp. The fire was low and the people surrounding it had fallen asleep. We looked at all of them. Did they have confidence that they wouldn't be discovered. It was stupid to not leave guard to keep watch.

"Take the queen and Roan." Then my warriors froze, spotting two with red hair. They both had scars on their faces as well. My warriors carried both women and tied them up. I got Roan and restrained his hands and feet. I didn't bother looking back at the others as we started to ride back.

"Place them in a cell. I will see them when they wake in the morning." Indra walked with me on the way back to my tent.

"It isn't wise to take the queen and former prince Heda. Azgeda will come to get them." I nodded my head knowing she was right, but I needed to meet the queen on my territory. She still refused to swear fealty to me in the past year.

I had no sleep. My thoughts keeping me wide awake. When word came to me that Roan had awoken with the other two I stood and headed to the cell. One of the women were checking on the other two frantically as if looking for an injury.

"Why have you brought us here commander?" Roan's voice was angry.

"I needed to speak your queen."

"That's it. That's the only reason you took us." The woman checking over them looked at me. I was met with the blue eyes that I had dreamed about for the past few years.

"Clarke."


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke's face was easily recognizable when she was looking directly towards me. The blue eyes that I log to see for years pierced me. How is she alive? Why is she with Azgeda? Why did she stay with Azgeda. She's carrying their brands, clothing, braids. Everything about her now screamed everything I grew up to hate.

"Klark!" I repeated. I fought against the instinct to just embrace her. I regained my composure and spoke with a steady voice. "Why are you with Azgeda?" I silently berated myself at asking such an informal and personal question.

I was met with eyes that just observed me. Her once warm and caring eyes were replaced by a cold and calculating look. Did they do this to her? I glared at the other woman in the cell. She kept Klark from me. This was her fault. I was just about to react when one of my warriors ran inside the cell.

" _Heda! Azgeda warriors are here!_ " I growled and stormed out of the cell.

" _Guard them!_ " I ordered. The group of warriors along with the woman and a sleeping goufa were surrounded by my warriors now. "Why have you come to the village?" The warriors were holding their weapons readily.

"You know why we are here. Give us back our people." Was what I received in reply. I raised my eyebrow. They were obviously stupid enough to come into the village with few warriors. Did they expect me to follow the order. I was the one who gave the orders, not them.

"Get the prisoners." I told Indra. She nodded and went for the three. When they were in sight of the Azgeda people you could see how they relaxed a little. "Tell your people to stand down." I looked at the woman expecting her to follow my orders. I was met by defiant glares. Once again the warriors tensed and looked around at mine. One of the Azgeda stepped forward. She did not attack, she just stepped forward. She proudly stood with her nation's marks.

"Let them go." She said. I smirked a little. One of my warriors took this as a challenge and lunged at the woman. She easily defeated him. Another attacked and defeated. Two others were defeated. Then many of my warriors attacked from all sides.

"Hod op!" I yelled after a few minutes. Many of my warriors listened. The Azgeda warriors were bloodied up. The one who had stepped forward along with the woman carrying the child were not. "Tell them to stand down." I ordered the queen to do again.

Klark glanced at me for a few moments and then looked at her companions. " _Stand down unless you are threatened_!" She spoke the Azgeda language perfectly. Her voice pierced the air throughout the village. " _Do not give into their tricks._ " She looked back at me with a glare. "What shall I do now Heda." She said mockingly.

—

Lexa's face was full of shock as she realized it was me. I totally understand why she was shocked. I disappeared for almost seven years and come back the Azgeda Queen. Never would have believed it if I wasn't me.

The first year the riders, Katlyn, and I had left things were somewhat calm. Then Roan came into our camp to inform Ontari how the Ice Nation was faring. Ontari had been taken by the mountain for three years and missed a lot. He wished for Ontari to join him in a rebellion that had formed against his mother. When he informed me I looked to Ontari for confirmation. She has been one of my most trusted since the mountain.

Katlyn had her babies not long after Roan had left us. A boy and a girl. Their eyes were wide and curious as they came into the world. When they were clean I handed the girl to Katlyn while I kept hold of the boy. I had smiled down at him and his little hand grasped my finger as I touched his face. He had a strong grip and in that moment I knew I would die for them, not that it was in doubt before. Katlyn named the girl Annabel, after her mother. She let me pick out the boy's name. I, of course, named him after my father. Annabel and Jake were introduced to the remaining Farm Station. The grounders who were with us were surprised at how both children were in perfect health. Apparently when having twins, one usually has a mutation or deformity. We all doted on them. They were the first babies we have all seen in years.

Roan's nightly visits occurred weekly. Each time with more information and warnings that we should move. I started to agree after a few weeks. Staying there would be bad, but I had decided too late. Three months after the twins birth the Azgeda army had marched to our camp. They killed the adults and taken the rest of us prisoner.

Another year passed before Roan broke us out. Nia had taken the twins for leverage while throwing my people into cells. We were forced to fight in the ice pits for her entertainment, some of us even had to kill each other. More than half of us died. Nia killed Annabel when I tried to rescue her and Jake. My people had joined the rebellion for a chance at revenge.

We had gotten it. It took a while but we got it. During our time in the rebellion we settled down. Made some roots to ground us. Many found things to fight and live for. It made us more determined to stay alive. Ontari met Niylah and the two have been together since Nia's fall. When Roan had been visiting Azgeda villages after Nia's defeat he was surrounded by his people. He was praised and loved and we along with him. A few months into his rule he renounced his throne naming me queen. When we were in private I punched him as hard as I could.

The last thing I wanted to do was lead. I hated how he did that but there was nothing I could do. I did not trust many people nowadays. I didn't have the pleasure of trusting people anymore. Those who held my trust were my closest advisors, who were mostly made up of my friends. I would trust them with anything.

Not long after my rule began Roan was taken by the Commander. Though it was planned, I worried along with our people. He returned around two weeks later, fine as he could be. He had done as I asked. He made the clan ambassadors curious about me. When he returned all was well.

The remaining riders that had joined me from the mountain rode to their former clans to spread rumors about how the nation changed and how we were thriving.

Many listened. A lot more people came than I had expected in a time of peace. The population rose steadily for the past two years, families who were desperate for their children not to join the coalitions army. I found it a bit ironic since many joined Azgeda's army. With the help of the kids from farm station we were able to feed our large population. We had surpluses of crops because the they had done what they do best.

I was going to Arkadia to visit O, Lincoln, and the babies. I had only met them twice before. Octavia had been surprised with another pregnancy two years ago. The eldest was Natalia and she was a beauty. She looked more like Octavia than Lincoln. The younger child was was Diana. She is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen, besides Jake and Annie of course. Keeping contact with Octavia had been difficult in the Ice Nation's territory, but we managed. Only a few people in Arkadia knew I was alive, well, and what I've been doing for the past six and a half years. Currently, I think it was Miller, Monty, Monroe, Harper, Murphy, and Marcus. The rest thought I was dead.

Anyways back to reality. The look on Lexa's face could only be described by a few words. Shocked. Disbelief. Confused. She was caught off guard. And she thought Niylah to be queen. I gave a small smirk. That was the intention. Since we had similar features we decided that I should have a decoy in case of assassinations. Well, we decided on having a decoy before realizing this.

A cry from my people was heard. My smirk changed into a soft smile as Jake woke up. He had grown strong in Azgeda. Almost six winters.

" _Nomon_." He looked around. I raised my hands to Indra to see if she would unbind me. She too had finally realized that I was the queen. She looked at Lexa. She was too stunned. I scoffed at them as they were taking too long and walked to my group. Ontari cut through the ties as I spoke.

" _Hey Jake_!" My voice was the only one heard through the silence. His arms reached out for me. I took him from Katlyn.

" _Nomon_." His face nuzzled my neck. " _Why we here_?" I smiled.

" _We're going to see Aunty Tavia soon._ " He peeked up a little bit. Roan and Niylah reached the and were unbound by Christian.

"Commander if you do not need anything then we shall take our leave." Again we received no response so we started forward. We were almost out of the village before one of the warriors stood in front of us, preventing us from leaving. Ontari met his sword with hers and she took him down. Another went for her. He was injured from the fight that occurred before, but that didn't stop him.

"Ontari!" Niylah cried, but it was too late. The sword pierced her side. We surrounded the two as the man yanked his swords out and was surprised to see it covered in black blood. I pushed him aside to see the wound. "Please be okay!" Niylah was desperate for her lover to stay alive. My warriors knelt around us still ready to fight. This was to help protect a severely wounded warrior recover or to recover the body of a deceased warrior. Though we were not always able to, we tried to never leave anyone behind.

"I'm not that easy to kill." Ontari's voice was rough. "I've been through worse." My warriors let out chuckles at her statement.

"Natblida." Lexa had followed us after all. Probably ordered them to stop us from leaving. "You have a nightblood. How?" I ignored her.

"Take her to Arkadia. Tell Marcus that I sent you. He will take care of her. All of you go." My warriors did as I asked and left me at the village. This time nobody stopped them. I walked back to Heda's tent listening to the steps behind me. "We avoided the village for a reason Heda."

"Why do you have a nightblood?" Her voice was hard and face angry. "They are meant to be raised and trained in Polis.

"Ontari was taken by the mountain three years before the fall. She went to far out of the borders when trying to get out of Azgeda for a bit. They experimented on her because her blood was different. She has been with me since the mountain. Before, she was kept a secret as Nia's weapon in the case that you died."

"She is meant to be in Polis!" She snarled at me. "You of all people should know that now. As queen it is your responsibility."

"To send people off to their deaths! That's all leaders had done to warriors and children in Azgeda. You told me once that to be a leader I must look into the eyes of my warriors and say go die for me. I refuse to have them die for me or for you. They do not fight for me. They do not fight for you either. They fight and die for their families." I was 100 percent sure my face was red with anger. "They are my people and I will not send them to be raised as cattle for slaughter!"

Lexa's lips had a ghost of a smile for a moment before it turned into a frown. "Your people are of the sky not Azgeda. Why are you with them?"

"You do not ask me those questions Commander. They are my people. I bled for them. I've lost comrades for them. I've killed for them. They are my people and nothing anybody says can change that." My voice changed from its earlier tone. "May I go now Heda?" This time I spoke in an exhausted tone. Lexa sighed but nodded her head.


	7. Author's Note Please Read!

Hey people. I know I have not updated this story in a while and I have a few chapters ready for later. I was talking about the story while I was with my friends and they pointed out that I had not written much about the Rebellion. I don't particularly love flashbacks since they mostly leave off on cliffhangers. There are already some planned into this story, but I cannot go into a full backstory of what happened. So I've been thinking about putting this story on hold while I wrote something about this. Your opinions would be very helpful in this situation. Thank you in advance if you do read this and reply.


	8. Chapter 7

Stupid Commander! Stupid laws! Stupid warriors! I was severely pissed at the actions of the Commander and Trikru warriors.

I understand wanting to make the queen, aka me, swear loyalty to her, but kidnapping is a bit much. It might as well be a declaration of war to my people since I was the leader. I shook the thoughts out of my head as I started a sprint to Arkadia.

It took me awhile to get there on foot, but by the time I got there guns were immediately pointed at me. Fucking hell! My luck is the worst.

"Hands in the air!" A feminine voice called out. I rolled my eyes and held them up to calm the guards down. Honestly, the group I was traveling with should have already informed them that I was coming. Looks like everybody's gonna know about me being alive now.

The gate opened and two guards came out guns ready. I recognized the two who came out though. It was Freya and Alaric. I had met them when we were searching for more sky people in different clans. Their parents were floated before the Ark came down. They were easily able to pick up that life on the ground would be different. They were lucky to land on Trishana lands. The clan wasn't well known for their fighters.

Both Alaric and Freya recognized me. With no hesitation they lowered their guns and waved me inside. Roan was at the entrance of the Ark and bowed his head to me as I passed by him. He stood behind me giving me directions to where the rest of our group was. The path became easily recognizable even though it had been years since I had last been here. We were headed to medical. That would mean they took her to my mom.

My mother was hovering over Ontari, checking to see what the damage was. My group were as close as they could be without disrupting her. Damn! I told them to take her to Marcus not my mom. Too late now. Niylah was pacing, Ontari's blood was all over her hands and clothes. Ontari seemed to be unconscious as my mother came to the conclusion that everything was fine. She began stitching Ontari's wound up and without looking up she spoke.

"She lost a lot of blood. She will need a transfusion, however, we do not have any of this black blood." Phoenix, one of my guards, passed my mother a container of Ontari's blood. I knew taking some blood would come in handy. My mother started the transfusion. Katlyn passed me Jake and I whispered reassurances that his aunt would live to fight another day.

"Thank you." Niylah said. "If she had died.." Kat pulled her into a hug as she started to cry. It was then that my mother got a good look at all of us. She didn't seem to recognize me with my hair and the scars. Do I look that different?

 _Niylah stay with your lover. The rest of you outside to set up tents outside Arkadia._ I spoke quickly in the Azgeda language. The group rushed to obey my orders. I set off with Jake and Katlyn to look for Octavia. We gained looks from the Arkers, but they weren't of distrust. They were of curiosity. Some recognized me and waved. Hopefully they stayed quiet.

We spotted Lincoln easily in the crowd of people. He was speaking to Miller near the gate. _**"Hey Linkon!"**_ I said in Trigedasleng.

 _ **"Hey Klark. Safe travels?"**_ I smiled and gave Lincoln a hug that was long overdue. I also gave Miller a hug before he walked away.

 **"** _ **The commander took a few of us. There was a small fight with one of us severely injured. We are told she should be alright."**_

 _ **"That is good."**_ I raised an eyebrow. _**"Your warrior being okay I mean! It is not good that she was injured!"**_ I let out a laugh.

 _ **"I am messing with you Lincoln."**_ He sighed a in relief.

 _ **"This must be little Jake."**_ Jake hid his face into my hair. I chuckled before speaking.

 _ **"Yes. Jake say hello to your Uncle Linkon."**_ My son shyly said his hello from my hair before I let him down. _"_ _ **Now where is my sis and my goddaughters?"**_ A loving look appeared on my friend's face as I mentioned his beloved and children.

 _"Come!"_ Lincoln motioned for us to follow. We walked out of the gates and into the woods. **"** _ **She went to the tree house with Natalia and Diana."**_ We quietly walked to a cluster of trees that got bigger and bigger as we continued to walk. We climbed the smaller ones and jumped from the branch to branch to get up. When we got to the medium sized structure in a tree we saw Natalia scribbling on paper.

 _ **"Hello child."**_ Natalia looked up with a smile.

 _ **"Klark!"**_ Octavia yelped as I had somehow caught her by surprise. _**"You are here. We were not expecting you until tonight!"**_ Despite her words, she smiled and gave me a fierce hug.

I introduced O to Katlyn and Jake as this was the first time they met in person. We spent the day talking about the past few years.

"There was this pauna at least three times the size of a war horse that caught us while we were hunting a few deer. We ran as fast as we could but it moved so fast you would think it was supernatural. Pali had drawn her sword and Wren his bow. They charged at the beast. Pali went for the legs while Wren was shooting to blind it." Octavia went on and on about hunting pauna and food as there was not much else to do.

Peacetime was truly boring to most warriors. Some of my warrior after the rebellion seemed like chickens running without heads because they were all over the place. Always asking what to do, getting into fights, failing horribly at some of the simplest tasks. While it was very entertaining it was also quite frustrating.

There was also a population spike due to the celebration that had taken place after Nia's death. The celebration had lasted for an entire week and many things occurred. Drinking. Fighting. Dancing. Fucking. It was fun while it lasted. There were these two siblings that just knew how to please others. They were not slaves or prostitutes, but they had a great reputation for their nightly activities. It was one of the most memorable weeks of my life. The Ice Nation has both the largest population and the largest army out of all the clans.

When it looked to be around sunset we headed back to Arkadia. By the time we got there there were Trikru horses and guards waiting outside the gates. The gates opened without a fuss as the guards saw O, Lincoln, and the kids. When we entered, the people outside stared at us for a moment before going back to their own business.

 _ **"I wonder why the warriors are here?"**_ Octavia said aloud. She glanced to me. _**"Actually never mind."**_ I frowned as I had noted that the grounders outside had all bowed their head in greetings. They knew my identity.

 _"Seems that my identity will no longer be hidden."_

 _"Cheer up Klark! Now you can show them what you've been up to. Seriously, your kid is adorable. You are a great fighter."_ Octavia continued to list things that I had accomplished. I smiled at her attempts to make me smile. I still have many secrets that need to stay hidden.

"Let's go." I said in English. We found my people arguing with my mother in medical. Wow. Don't envy them. Maybe we should just turn around and do this another day. Despite my thoughts I continued moving forward because Katlyn kept nudging me forward.

I held her hand and waited for an opening to speak. It came very quickly due to Roan glancing at me while I was behind my mother. It made my mother turn and freeze giving me the perfect opening. "Now that you are done arguing, may I ask why you are arguing. If you want to know something you should ask me, not my people."

I knew what she was arguing with them about. She wanted to know where I was. From what I can see the Trikru warriors informed her of my arrival and current state. This makes my life more difficult. I hoped my words would get her to talk, but the look on her face was one I was very familiar with. She wouldn't be talking. She had that look whenever I got in trouble or whenever she argued with Dad.

Marcus and Miller walked over. The tension we were showing was evident as our bodies were tense and my mother's face angry. They closed the doors as my mother started to speak, I mean yell.

"Where have you been! No note! No goodbye! You didn't even take supplies! You could have died! In fact we thought you were dead! You could've informed us of your survival or come to visit sooner!" My mother was so agitated that she was yelling in a tone I had never heard before.

"I needed time." I said calmly. I kept my face clear of emotions. It took many years for me to get the mask right. Despite the mask, I could feel my emotions start to rise. I could never avoid them. My mother scoffed.

"You needed time. Did you have enough time?" I didn't answer. Her anger was palpable. "You could have stayed!"

I almost bit my lip while trying to keep back a response. It was so hard to stay in control. All the negative emotions I felt at the mountain welled up inside me. The anger, pain, sadness, fear, shame, and regret. I had dealt with my emotions after Katlyn had the twins. It wasn't good for me to be around them and have all the feelings I felt. Roan told me people who locked up their feelings eventually lashed out to hurt people they cared about. I didn't want to hurt anyone I loved. I had done it once before and it felt like I was shredding my heart to pieces. Every now and then they would come back and try to break free.

Why couldn't she understand why I needed to be gone? I know plenty of people tried to explain it to her. She told them she understood, but she obviously did not. My mom went on a long tirade about why I should have stayed.

"I couldn't have stayed!" I finally blew. "I couldn't look at any of my friends without seeing what I had done! I've spent so little time on the ground yet I am soaked in the blood of those I considered enemies."

"They were trying to kill you! That's justifiable."

"So I should feel nothing?" I was more than angry at her response. Sure she has lost patients while working on them, but that was due to lack of supplies on the Ark. The Culling wasn't entirely her fault either. She played the video my father had made to inform the people so they could make a plan. The people who volunteered to die was not on her since they used Kane's plan. And yes she indirectly killed my father, but I also had to kill my lover. She may feel responsible for killing all of them but they were not killed by her. All the people I killed for the survival of my own people was blood that couldn't be washed away or redeemed.

"I killed people mom! I've killed with my hands. Of my own free will! I have feelings Mom! I'm not callous! I'm not some soulless automaton. I can't ignore how my actions make me feel." My pain could easily be heard by my friends. "I needed to learn how to continue living with the blood on my hands and I couldn't do that here. As much as I hoped that it was all just a dream it wasn't."

"Clarke needed time away and she took it." Lincoln sided with me. Now that I was taking a breather they could speak. Lincoln's support only angered my mom more."It doesn't matter how long she took she is back."

"Abby they're both right." Kane interjected before my mom could go on another tirade. My mothers attention turned to him and she gazed him with a look of betrayal. She quickly got hold of her anger and stormed off. I sighed with relief as she walked out of sight.

I let go of Katlyn's hand. I didn't expect it to be a yelling match between us. I looked around for my son.

"Helena took him out along with your goddaughters." Jacob informed me. "They went to camp." I said a quick thanks and went looking for my son. I spotted Murphy with Ian, one of the remaining hundred. He nodded his head in acknowledgment as I ran past. Jake saw me easily as I was rushing to him, Lilith, and Natalia.

 _"Mama!"_ He squealed as I hugged him. I breathed in his scent and felt myself relax _._ Everything was going to be fine. _"Are you okay? I heard the lady yelling at you when we left?"_

 _"I'm fine. It's nothing for you to worry about. Let's just stay here for the rest of the day."_ We were joined by O, Lincoln, Ontari, and Niylah. The rest left to hunt our food. Azgeda dislikes receiving food from other clans in fear of it being poisoned. They were right to fear since two of my meals had been poisoned when I first took the throne. Unfortunately, one of the tasters had died before we could get the antidote.

I checked Ontari's bandages and fussed over her with Niylah. When the hunters returned, they came back with a small doe and a few rabbits. I skinned the animals and passed them to Niylah to cook and preserve.

Dinner was delicious, as always, and we continued to tell stories of the past few years. One by one we fell asleep outside near the fire. Morning arrived and we were awoken by my goddaughter. She was crying for food. As we started to eat I heard the gates open behind me.

" _Ai Kwin."_ Was said by Roan. I glanced behind me. His glanced informed me of Bellamy, Raven, my mother, Monty, Harper, Monroe, Marcus, Murphy, and Emori approaching.

Crap. Why now? Why not tomorrow or next week? Despite most of the group knowing I was alive and well, the ones that hadn't known would most likely try to smother me. Physically and verbally.

The ones who knew where I was took seats near my people and started conversations. Jake was next to me as was Ontari and Octavia. Kat was next to Roan and Lincoln, who were talking to Murphy and Emori. Monty and Harper were talking to Helena while Marcus and Monroe approached my guards.

My mom, Bellamy, and Raven stood awkwardly in front of us. I pushed Jake a bit behind me so I could protect him should any of them get angry and react. I motioned for them to sit and they all did except Raven. I glanced briefly at the two braces on her legs. Octavia had already told me it was painful for her to walk and that she needed braces to walk, but it just hit me how injured she was.

Raven was still strong though. She held her head up high and she didn't show her weaknesses. To anybody else it would have looked like she was being cautious, but I could see the difficulty she had with her injuries. The frustration at herself for being unable to complete activities that she had once been able to. Some crinkles on her face were not there because she was aging, they were there because she was in constant pain.

I motioned for Octavia to grab a stool or chair for Raven to sit on. She did so quickly. I analyzed the three before me. I could feel the anger Bellamy was radiating. My mother was still very upset from our previous encounter. Raven looked like she wanted to throttle me and then hug me afterwards.

"Hello," was the only thing I said. My nerves were acting up and I couldn't think of much to say. My instincts were fighting between running to postpone the conversation and hugging the life out of them.

"Hey," Raven spoke first. "How are you?" She said this casually. Like I hadn't been away all this time.

"Honestly, I'm so damn nervous." Raven let out a bark of laughter. It was so full of relief and joy. It was like everything was normal. Her laughter was the end of my self control. I left my son to Octavia and lunged at Raven, pulling her against me. My arms clung to her and hers around me.

"You're here." I could hear Raven mumbling into the crook of my neck. "You're really here." I tightened my arms around her middle.

"I missed you."

Hey you guys. *looks down ashamed* Sorry for not updating this like story I said I would. Super sorry. I may have forgotten about it being on and not update it on here. This update has been on a few other fanfiction websites for maybe a month. Again super sorry. Anyways, I got a few things to address. For those of you who dislike Lexa in the story, she will change. Second, my previous Authors Note will be moved to this chapter whenever I post the next chapter. so don't be confused if that part disappears. I forgot the third thing I wanted to say so I'm going to go to the last. Lastly, sorry if there are any grammar errors. Big thanks for those who are still reading this story. I hope you enjoy it.


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